NEW BABY, NEW BONDS
Telling your child about the new baby?
There are no real rules about how your break the news to your child about the new baby. If your first child is still very young, he or she might not quite understand the concept of waiting for a few months till the baby arrives. You might wake up every day to be bombarded by the same question, “Has the baby come yet”
How your child handles the news also depends on the age of the child and the size of the extended family. If the child has been the centre of attention in a small nuclear family, he may find it hard to give up his place. Sibling jealousy and rivalry is a fact of life. By preparing your child, you may be able to lessen it even if you cannot do away with it completely.
The age of the child
If your child is 2-3 years old he might tend to be more possessive of your affections and might find it hard to share you. A 4-5 year old child might find it easier to share because he has already learnt to deal with other children in school. If the child is 6 or older, he might want to be informed about all that is happening and might be very interested in helping out with the new arrival. Regardless of the age, parents have to be realistic and need to know that each child will react differently to the arrival of a new baby.
Involve your child during pregnancy
If your child is small but old enough to understand the concept of another baby, tell him around the third month of your pregnancy. Of course, if your child is older and understands your conversations, then tell him as early as possible so that he does not feel left out. Take your child with you to the antenatal checkups so that he can be involved in the process right from the beginning. Let your child help in picking stuff for the new arrival. Encourage your child to come up with names for his sibling. Either directly or by suggestion, does not influence the child to say that he specifically wants a sister (or a brother). Encourage him to stay that he wants a baby and it does not matter whether it is a boy or a girl. When your keep stressing that you want the baby to be of the opposite sex of your child, he might feel that you don’t appreciate him or that he was a disappointment. He will then resent the new baby.
Involve your child in the hospital
Make arrangements for your child to be take care of when you are in the hospital. You must also prepare the child for the separation and let him know that he is being very helpful to you by being mature and staying at home. Let your first child come and visit you as soon as possible. Your child will want to touch and fell the baby. Do not get agitated and angry. Let him gently touch the baby while you are holding it. Calmly explain that the new baby is very fragile and needs gentle handling. Do not be surprised if your first child regresses and wants to be held and cuddled by you. Give him all the hugs and reassurances he needs.
After bringing the baby home
When you come, reserve some special time for your first child. Have someone handle the baby for a while and give all your attention to the first one. If your child sulks and throws a tantrum, be patient and calm. Do not lose your temper or tell him that he is a bad brother. Be firm and allow the child to calm down. If the child continues to be aggressive, make sure that you do not leave him alone with the baby. The aggression will lessen eventually. You just have to be patient.
The Hindu the Wellness dated June 12 2008
